


As Long As It Takes

by kelios



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crushed by Richard Siken, M/M, Pining, Stanford, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 03:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18296372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelios/pseuds/kelios
Summary: Through the years.





	As Long As It Takes

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Richard Siken's _Crush_ and this tweet: https://twitter.com/sci_fis/status/1111991516401152004  
> You’re too young, Dean wants to say. I’m not rejecting you. I’m just saying not yet. The words don’t come, so he just holds Sam down with the warm, protective weight of his body until Sam falls asleep, listless, his small hand wrapped around the amulet tucked inside Dean’s shirt.

12  
_And he wouldn’t kiss me, but he covered my body with his body  
And held me down until I promised not to run back into the street again._

You’re too young, Dean wants to say. I’m not rejecting you. I’m just saying not yet. The words don’t come, so he just holds Sam down with the warm, protective weight of his body until Sam falls asleep, listless, his small hand wrapped around the amulet tucked inside Dean’s shirt. 

Dean watches him sleep, heart aching with want, with need, with love. A kiss for Sam’s forehead, scarce brush of lips to tender, sweaty skin. The barest touch to his eyelids, bluish skin covering the beautiful eyes that haunt Dean’s dreams awake and asleep, the tip of his nose. The bow of his lips, a trembling dare, sweeter than he ever imagined. _Dean_ Sam sighs and Dean’s arms tighten instinctively, holding him close. 

14  
_You’re in a car with a beautiful boy_  
_And he won’t tell you that he loves you_  
_But he loves you_

Sam smiles up at him, brilliant and beautiful. They’re in the backseat, Dean ostensibly helping Sam catch up on the chapters he’d missed between schools but also overwhelmed by the scent of his hair and the warmth of his body. 

_I love you,_ he thinks helplessly, remembering the words he’d found underlined in the tattered book of poetry he’d found at the bottom of Sam’s backpack. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

But the words stick in his throat, caught on their father’s hard gaze in the rearview mirror and Sam’s coltish beauty, offered so eagerly and thoughtlessly. 

_I love you._

15  
_And damn if there isn't anything sexier than a slender boy with a handgun,_  
_a fast car,_  
_a bottle of pills_

Sharp edges and long legs, smart and beautiful and wild. Dean _wants_ , near sick with need for what he can’t have yet, Sam’s eyes burning holes in his back as he runs away, guns the Impala’s engine for another night spent trying to forget. _Wait for me_ Dean begs without words, hoping Sam can hear what he can’t say over angry silence and furious tears. _Wait for me._

16  
_Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we'll never get used to it._

A touch, trembling and reverent. A kiss, the first and sweetest. Just a taste, but Dean is addicted already, both of them lost to need too long denied. 

_I love you_ finally said, finally heard, carved deep into hearts and souls, _I love you_ said with hands and lips and traced onto blood flushed skin _I love you I love you I love you_

17  
_You could drown in those eyes, I said,_  
_so it's summer, so it's suicide_  
_so we're helpless in sleep_  
_and struggling at the bottom of the pool._

Everything Dean could want and so much of it too, drowning in love, drowning in need, drowning in want and desperation and _Sam_ , summer heat turning them lazy and sated. _Do you love me?_ guileless and sweet _come away with me_ a warning Dean doesn’t heed _kiss me_ and Dean can’t tell him no, not now, doesn't even want to. 

18  
_You said I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn't say it out loud._ _Actually, you said,_  
**_Love, for you,_  
_is larger than the usual romantic love. It's like a religion. It's terrifying._**

 _All I ever want is you_ Dean thinks, but it’s not enough. _Stay with me_ and Sam’s heart break. The silence between them is too loud this time, deafening them with the echoes of everything they need but never learned to say. _I love you_ and _I know_ but there’s so much more. Only Dean’s never been good with words, and Sam learned everything from him. 

_Goodbye_ anger and heartbreak and so much love, enough to choke on if Dean would let it but he doesn't. _Wait for me_ so faint he barely hears it through the silence but he does, and holds it close to his heart until it's needed, hope guttering but never going out. _As long as it takes._


End file.
